What We Deserve

Book Cover: What We Deserve
Editions:eBook - Second Edition: $ 2.99Paperback: $ 9.99
ISBN: 9781492811541
Size: 5.20 x 8.00 in
Pages: 214

Years after Sean was deserted by his first love Jamie, he is ready to settle down with Tyler, his handsome, perfect-geek-for-him boyfriend. But when Jamie returns home after twelve years in the Army, Sean finds himself still drawn to the boy who broke his heart. It's a choice between the past and present, and Sean is determined to choose Tyler, the man who has his heart now. Just when Sean thinks he's got it all figured out, sparks begin to fly between Tyler and Jamie, and Sean realizes that maybe he won't have to choose after all.

(Originally published by Loose Id, October 2011)

Publisher: Kerry Freeman
Cover Artists:

Journal Entry

May 4, 1992

Last night, I realized I am in love with Jamie.

I mean, not like a best friend or a brother I never had or anything like that.

I love love him.

Yesterday at school, my friends were talking about what happens when you love someone. They said that you think about the person all the time and that you get really nervous around them. One of the girls said that you have dreams about the person. Maybe in your dreams you hold hands and kiss. One of the guys laughed and said that maybe you have dreams of the person naked.

Then the bell rang, and lunch was over.

I couldn’t stop thinking about it all night. I think about Jamie all the time, and I even dream about him. The dreams freaked me out at first, because Jamie and I were touching each other in them. Not anything too weird…at least at first. Then I dreamed about kissing him. A lot.


I never dream about girls or think about girls that way. The first guys I ever thought about like that were Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp, and I kinda knew what that meant. But to feel that way about Jamie…

Jamie and I have been best friends as long as I can remember. My dad and his mom teach at UGA, and our parents are all really good friends. Even though he’s in high school now, Jamie still hangs out with me. Mom and Dad even let me ride with Jamie in his truck now that he has his license.

He’s really nice, and he listens to me. Even when I’m a basket case, like I was today.

We’re standing at the counter at Jack’s waiting for lunch, and I tell him all about how Josh at school says that Alabama will always be better than Georgia in football and yelled at me because I said that’s not true. Jamie’s looking at me and smiling. I can’t stop talking, because if I stop talking, I’ll start thinking about how much I love Jamie. I can’t think about that when I’m around him. It makes me nervous.

Jamie’s laughing, and I feel butterflies all in my stomach. Even though I’m talking a mile a minute, Jamie is listening to every single word. The only time he looks away from me is when the Jack’s lady calls another number. He’s got the most awesome brown eyes. How come I never noticed that before? I’m just staring at his awesome brown eyes, and I have no idea how long I’ve been doing that when he asks me if I’m okay.

No, I’m not okay. I’m staring at my best friend…the guy I love…and I probably look like a complete idiot. I know I’m blushing, because my face feels really hot all of the sudden. And I’m telling him all about how hungry I am and that Mom made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, but that was hours ago. And then I talked about that time we went to see Wayne’s World and my stomach growled so loud people stared at me.

Why can’t I just shut up?

Jamie is smiling again. Before I make myself look any dorkier, the lady calls our number. Jamie grabs one bag and hands me the other. I follow him out to the parking lot to his truck. It’s old and red, and I think it’s cool. I tell him that I’ll be glad when I can drive and take him places.

Jamie grabs me around the shoulders and hugs me tight. He’s really warm and a little sweaty from the heat. I can smell something spicy on him, and I wonder if it’s his soap. I notice he didn’t shave today. He says that he will let me drive him but I have to wait until I get my license in four years. When he unlocks my door and holds my bag until I climb in my seat, he asks if it’s okay if he drives me around until then.

Crap, I’m blushing again. I can just feel it. I take both bags, put them in the floorboard, and don’t look back up at him. I tell him that would be awesome.

He smiles and shuts the door, and I try to get my heart to stop beating so fast.

Yeah, I am so in love with Jamie.


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